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“If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a bottle of grapes?”.
This was the riddle posed to my cousins and I as we tippytoed a fine line.
It was my uncle’s 50th and we were performing the very fine balancing act of making the most of staying up past our bedtime, without creating too much noise as to remind our parents they had forgotten to send us to bed.
If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a bottle of grapes? That floored us. Any fun we were having was quickly parked. We downed tools and tackled this conundrum as a team.
Of course, it turned out to be nothing but nonsense. Something that sounded wise and mysterious to someone who had been enjoying the festivities but in fact made about as much sense as putting a suit on a goat. Yet, it was enough to keep my cousins and I occupied so that the parents could extend the night, even if only for a bit.
If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a bottle of grapes.
This brings me to Ulster Rugby and sums up how I feel about where they’re currently at, not only on the URC table but as an organisation. I believe in Richie Murphy as a coach. He’s worked with Leinster, Ireland and the Irish U20s side, delivering a grand slam in his final year. After Dan McFarland stepped away last season, Murphy was made interim manager, a job he now holds in a full time capacity. Unfortunately for Ulster, it feels as though if Ulster are ever to succeed, the coach that does much of the heavy lifting, won’t be the one there to enjoy the benefits of it.
It once looked like Dan McFarland was the answer. McFarland did an impressive job at the province, taking over during a turbulent time for the club. He improved the current crop of players and raised the standards across the board. His vision and results led to the backroom team spending big, bringing in names like Duane Vermeulen and Steven Kitsoff. Two players, two World Cup winning players who had little impact on the pitch or off it. Duane Vermeulen was credited with being a classy operator, but Ulster were not a veteran no.8 away from competing.
O'Brien (19'), Clarkson (26'), Penalty Try (39'), Ringrose (41'), Sheehan (57', 69', 77')
Tries
Izuchukwu (35'), Dalton (72')
Frawley (27'), Prendergast (69')
Conversions
Murphy (36', 73')
Penalties
Murphy (8')
However, this brings me back to Ulster in its current form. They’re fresh off the back of a loss to Leinster, an interprovincial team they surprisingly have a decent record against. In that 42-17 loss there were five players involved in the matchday 23 who only one day ago were announced to be departing at the end of the season.
John Cooney, Alan O’Connor, Kieran Treadwell, Matty Rea and Andrew Warwick.
Five players who were deemed essential to deliver a result versus Leinster.
I appreciate each player has a different circumstance. John Cooney is making the move to France. Treadwell is returning to Harlequins. Two players they either couldn’t keep or weren’t willing to break the bank for. As for the rest, their contracts are finishing up and they’re simply moving on.
Age certainly isn’t on their side. But how can three players, stalwarts, club captains, centurions, double centurions be selected for a big game in the closing game of the season only to be deemed surplus moving forward? All three players are capable of doing a job at URC level and while their signature next season wouldn’t have made the same headlines as RG Snyman’s extension with Leinster, they’re still three players who Ulster currently depend on.
I appreciate Richie Murphy has a vision for this squad and for this team, however, Ulster only have one confirmed signing on the books ahead of next season, Juarno Augustus. The current Northampton Saint was deemed a nice piece of business, but these departures lay bare the amount of work Ulster need to do as a team and as an organisation if they’re to genuinely compete at the top table.
Forever the optimist, I think Ulster fans should prepare themselves for some contract news in the coming weeks. Richie Murphy is beginning to but his stamp on the squad, change is happening, but for Ulster fans the road ahead is far from clear.
If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a bottle of grapes? Hopefully Richie Murphy knows.
| # | Team | PL | W | L | D | PD | BP | PTS |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  Leinster Rugby | 15 | 14 | 1 | 0 | 220 | 11 | 67 |
| 2 |  Glasgow Warriors | 15 | 11 | 4 | 0 | 182 | 14 | 58 |
| 3 |  Vodacom Bulls | 15 | 11 | 4 | 0 | 110 | 10 | 54 |
| 4 |  Hollywoodbets Sharks | 15 | 10 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 9 | 49 |
| 5 |  Benetton Treviso | 15 | 8 | 6 | 1 | -51 | 7 | 41 |
| 6 |  Cardiff Rugby | 15 | 7 | 7 | 1 | -39 | 11 | 41 |
| 7 |  Munster Rugby | 15 | 7 | 8 | 0 | -7 | 12 | 40 |
| 8 |  DHL Stormers | 15 | 7 | 8 | 0 | -8 | 12 | 40 |
| 9 |  Scarlets | 15 | 7 | 7 | 1 | 28 | 8 | 38 |
| 10 |  Ulster Rugby | 15 | 7 | 8 | 0 | -41 | 9 | 37 |
| 11 |  Edinburgh Rugby | 15 | 6 | 9 | 0 | 24 | 13 | 37 |
| 12 |  Connacht Rugby | 15 | 5 | 10 | 0 | -33 | 15 | 35 |
| 13 |  Ospreys | 15 | 6 | 8 | 1 | -30 | 7 | 33 |
| 14 |  Emirates Lions | 15 | 6 | 9 | 0 | -45 | 7 | 31 |
| 15 |  Zebre Rugby | 15 | 5 | 10 | 0 | -120 | 7 | 27 |
| 16 |  Dragons | 15 | 1 | 14 | 0 | -193 | 5 | 09 |
